, 36, once had a passionate romance with a closeted actress, he revealed in his just-released memoir . He was 26 at the time, he wrote, and was making a movie when he with the actress, carrying on with a 2-year secret relationship. “My partner than me for a change,” he wrote in the excerpt obtained by .

Nobody knew about the romance, he revealed — not even his parents or his nearest and dearest friends. “Her parents did not know,” he wrote. “I was the friend that came for Christmas … We never touched outside, we barely went to dinner. She was in my phone under the name ‘Ryan.’”

The Hard Candy actor touchingly recalled meeting her, as well. “She was radiant – her dress, her smile, how she pushed her hair from her face … We discussed books, activism, our collective consciousness, and the deep intelligence of nature,” he penned. Together they enjoyed what he termed “discreet but adventurous” intimacy. “On rocks, just below the Pacific Coast Highway, hidden in boulders in Joshua Tree National Park, on an airplane,” he described.

Heartbreakingly, the Umbrella Academy actor wrote that the secret relationship was ultimately “unsustainable” due to “the lying the anxiety, the disgust.” He recalled later attending a party, where Ryan brought a male friend Overcome, he removed himself from the room, and “Ryan’s” date politely followed with some coconut water as a remedy. “He had no idea about our history of course,” he related. “It was a kind gesture, but I wanted to take that coconut water and throw it.” The entire experience, including watching her touch her date, “unreservedly gutted” him.

Elliot’s intimate revelation isn’t the only one contained in the book. The actor, who came out in 2014 as gay and then six years later in 2020, also admitted to regularly having sex with  co-star  during filming. Being , he wrote in part, “helped I didn’t see a glint of it in her eyes and I wanted that — done feeling wretched about who I am.”